News - The Lunchtime Bonus Question

Posted on December 31, 2007
Filed Under Dating tips, Dating advices | Leave a Comment

The winner of this week’s Lunchtime Achievement Award and the prize keyring is Stuart Cowley, aka Stu, for his shamefully wrong question on Wednesday. Accepting his award he said: “An almost worthy replacement for my lost Blue Peter badge.”

LBQ roll of shame

To mark the first anniversary of the LBQ, you were invited to enter an extra contest to write a story using as many of the answers from the past year in no more than 150 words. Extra points were awarded for being convincing and references to current events.

List of winning entries


FRIDAY

Friday’s answer is “A TREMENDOUS AMOUNT OF SCIENCE”

Entries are now closed. Wrong questions included:

An astrophysicist’s coping mechanism?
Mark Starling, London

If all the brainpower devoted to generating wrong answers for the LBQ was spent on useful science like the near-sightedness of dogs, how much additional science could be accomplished each Friday?
KT, Pretoria

Andrew Culley, from Grantham: as far as Flux Capacitors are concerned, you seem to be saying that when they work theyre brilliant, but I am going to put it to you that your observation lacks what?
Gerald Moynihan, London

Rik Waller BSc MSc
Charlotte, London, UK

How does Peter Mandelson keep bouncing back - is it black magic or …..
Dave Williams, Prudhoe, UK

A not so brief history of time?
Christopher Thorpe, London

What do tabloids omit in technological stories?
Edward, Bath

I have found that giving retractable pencils and set squares to small children merely results in damage to wallpaper and trips to the hospital. What does creating designer babies actually require?
William Bailey, Halifax

What’s the difference between an Honorary Doctorate and a Nobel Prize?
David Dee, Maputo Mozambique

What does it take to dunk the algorithmically perfect biscuit?
Phil B-C, Maidenhead

If ignorance is bliss, what is misery?
(Of course, a real scientist would point out that this is flawed logic, but there you go.)
Brian Ritchie, Oxford

Staying “naturally beautiful and slim” takes what?
Jac, Caerphilly

The report into the intelligence gathering prior to the Iraq war show that the infamous dossier contained a lot of assumption and spin as opposed to what?
James Rigby, Wickford, Essex

Science Fiction minus Fiction equals?
Phil, Bristol

SCIENC ?
John Underwood, Edinburgh

Largin’ IT?
John C, Oldham

What, in simplistic terms, is the space / time continuum?
Rob Holman, Chislehurst, Kent, England

So apart from beards, bad fashion sense, and outdated hairstyles, what have scientists really done for us?
Suz, Grenoble

The difference between first world and third world?
Chris Ford, Bristol, UK thelbq.co.uk

Boris Becker’s haircut?
Oliver Hughes, London

What did it take to engineer and manufacture the LBQ keyring?
Sarah Findlay, Cape Town

There’s antimony, arsenic, aluminum, selenium,
And hydrogen and oxygen and nitrogen and rhenium
And nickel, neodymium, neptunium, germanium…
(and I could go on but the judges will tell me off)
Becky, London

Four and twenty blackboards chalked with pi?
Candace, New Jersey, US

A hard lesson to swallow?
Stephen Buxton, Coventry, UK

What is needed to win an encyclopedia of baseball?
ChrisB, Bromley

The one thing we know for sure that black holes contain?
Edward Green, London

What do you give an airhead who’s got everything?
Robin Hughes, Cheadle

What do Etonians call double physics followed by double chemistry followed by double biology ?
Daniel Ward, Eastbourne, UK

How an BA student perceives a BSc Degree?
Chris Ford, Bristol, UK thelbq.co.uk

All wrong. The correct question was how did the makers of a proposed TV programme defend their show which is going to set one man’s sperm against another’s in a race for fertilisation.



THURSDAY

Thursday’s answer is “I AM LOOKING LIKE AN AIRHEAD”

Entries are now closed. Wrong questions included:

If space hoppers could talk?
Lisa M, Southampton

Bad translation of ‘that bubbly must have gone straight to my head’?
Candace, New Jersey, US

Head Zeppelin?
Rob Holman, Chislehurst, Kent, England

What does a girl with a windfarm on her head say
Jayne Suttle, Swanage

Why am I speaking in speech bubbles
DC, Lostwithiel

About time - I’ve been waiting all week for the caption competition
Sion, Fleet, UK

Who is Bill Payer?
PJ, S

What’s another way of saying, “I still support the war but, knowing what I know now, would vote against it”?
Norman Dawes, Bury St Edmunds, UK

Martha’s worst fear?
Candace, New Jersey, US

One downside of being in charge at Swanwick?

Brian Ritchie, Oxford

When there is light at the end of the tunnel (that goes from one aural canal to the other)?
ChrisB, Bromley

Last year my older brother told me of a band from the sixties called “Tractor”. He said that they were bigger than the Beatles and more shocking than the Sex Pistols, but, strangely he had none of their records. I asked him why? He said that he had sold them all years ago and that he was no longer a fan of theirs…that they had sold out, big time. Until quite recently I have been telling my mates at school that my brother was an “Ex-tractor Fan” as they all giggled. From where I’m standing I look like what? Yes…
Gerald Moynihan, London
(The LBQ editor thought he made himself clear about this line of questioning.)

Seventy-two submissions to the LBQ, and not one published. Wait a minute, what’s that ‘Send’ button for?
David Dee, Maputo Mozambique

The pneu black?
Edward, Bath

Lucy in the sky with cubic zirconias?
Andrew Culley, Grantham

What’s an airhead?
Jayne Burton, Sevenoaks

Bibendum?
Lynn, England

New breed of superteacher fuelled by a 78 /21 Nitrogen, Oxygen mix?
Lee Stubbington, Tonbridge, Kent

( :-) ?
Nik, Cambridge

Is East Anglia in Spain?
Andrew Culley, Grantham

And the bottom line of the eye-chart Mr President? (snigger).
Kieran Boyle, Oxford

Well I’ve heard about being puffy under the eyes, but this is ridiculous.
Helena, Northampton

Why can’t I find what I am looking for?
Kaylie , Runcorn

How I hide my plans for world domination?
Sarah, Oxford

Typical. I make one comment about women not cleaning behind the fridge enough, and what’s the result?
Edward Green, London

I am female, I am blonde. To the latest garage mechanic to try to rip me off, this means what?
Catherine O, Maidenhead

What statement follows asking who Bill Payer is?
Marie Carver, Woodford, Essex, UK

What did the airhead forget to say?
Mike Scott, Great Yarmouth

All wrong. The correct question was why does Imelda Marcos oppose a new film about her spending habits.



WEDNESDAY

Wednesday’s answer is “FRIENDLY BUT POWERFUL”

Entries are now closed. Wrong questions included:

please…
Evan, UK/Dubai

Sharon Watts?
Chris Spencer, Wimbledon

What is a half-correct description of Canada?
Meagan Crump, Toronto

Lime Cordial?
Neal Berridge, Nottingham

Why are the Red Arrows so popular?
Dave Godfrey, Swindon

The King of Hearts?
Matt Price,

When you send your kids to weighlifting camp in the US, they come back aloof, powerful, and with an Austrian accent. When you send your kids to the same type of camp in Britain, they come back…?
Ainy, Baltimore, US

Vlad the Home Improver?
Paul, Leeds

David Banner’s personal ad?
Candace, New Jersey, US

Atomic Kitten?
Andrew Culley, Grantham

Tidal wave?
Chris Watsom, Bristol

Pol Pet?
David Butcher, Kirkham

(I apologise in advance for the sugaryness of this question) - A smile?
Stephen Buxton, Coventry, UK

An Intercontinental Holistic Missile?
Stephen Buxton, Coventry, UK

The Daleks on a bank holiday?

KMR, Cardiff

A Pedigree Chum?
Chris Stocks, Chesham, Bucks

Fortunately for you all, the voices in my head?
Stephen Buxton, Coventry, UK

The Incredibly Nice Hulk?
Sarah Findlay, Cape Town

First impressions from seeing Candace showing off her (well deserved) LBQ keyring?
David, UK

Bruce Forsyth’s Generator Game?
Nick Nevin, London, UK

How should a good deli smell?
Rupert K, London

A sheep in wolf’s clothing?
Dave Godfrey, Swindon

The Goodfather?
Chris Ford, Bristol, UK thelbq.co.uk

A nuclear family ?
John Redmond, Godalming

Blond bombshell?
Chris Brayley, Bromley

How would you best describe hand-reared garlic?
Trevor, Bloomsbury

The Charge of the Polite Brigade?
Kip, Norwich

Suggest two qualities that might be equally advantageous in a god or a dog?
Ben Moxon, Guildford

Nice Admiral?
John, London

The nicest way to describe my, ahem, handshake.
Rachael, UK

Brothers With Arms?
Andrew Magowan, London

Joules Holland?
Nigel, Winchester

Elephants on dope ?
Phil, Nimes

Friends in high places?
Becky, London

Fluffy the vampire slayer?
Sarah, Oxford

Ming the mirthful?
Stu, Yateley

Cabbie John Sheen’s opinion of his client yesterday?
Marie Carver, Woodford, Essex, UK

New slogan for Toilet Duck?
Will, London, UK

Rover 75 is…
Ross Billington, Derby

A wolf in sheep’s clothing?
Kiltie, Staffs, UK

What do you call a labrador with a machine gun?
Phil Colvin, Bristol

Firm friends?
Becky, London

Jennifer Aniston
Courtney Cox
Lisa Kudrow
Matt Le Blanc
Matthew Perry
David Schwimmer
Discuss.
Tim G, London, UK

How would you describe an MP near to elections?
Pauline Fearn, Herne Bay

All wrong. The correct question was how do people see the BBC, according to a study conducted for a government review.



TUESDAY

Tuesday’s answer is “WHEN THEY WORK, THEY’RE BRILLIANT”

Entries are now closed. Wrong questions included:

Striking colours?
Andrew Culley, Grantham

Perpetual motion devices?
John C, Oldham

When writing a reference, how can you appear positive whilst conveying that the prospective employer should avoid the applicant like the plague?
Kaylie

The Charm of the Light Brigade?
Chris Stocks, Chesham, Bucks

It seems almost foolishly dangerous to fly nine Hawk jets in close formation at 400mph, but…
Rob Egginton, Bristol

Hold up stockings, strapless bras?
Olwen , Mobberley Cheshire

Racing tips?
David Dee, Maputo Mozambique

69-year-old employees?
Lucy, Oxford

What was Snow White’s pitch to the gangmaster?
Jonny Billericay, Norfolk

Computers are so FRUSTRATING! Why have they become so popular?
Stella, Edinburgh

There are lies, dammned lies and statistics. But, the thing about statistics are what?
ChrisB, Bromley

What do you think of the condoms being given to the athletes at the Olympics?
Brenda, Lancaster

Hops, yeast, sugar, malt, water?
Christopher Brayley, Bromley

“Resting” actors?
Simon Vannerley, Tiverton, UK

Lottery tickets. Discuss.
Robert Henson, Petts Wood, Kent

What do you reckon to those sketches from The Fast Show with that guy who says everything’s brilliant?
Sam Holloway, Cambridge

So what do you make of all those novelties then?
Helena, Northampton

…?
Kalika, Oxford

What about Public Inquiries, Private Inquiries, House of Commons Committees, Collective Responsibility, Ministerial Responsibility, an informed Cabinet, Democracy, Parliament, MPs, Intelligence, Caveats, , Integrity (sorry got carried away there!)
John Redmond, Godalming

Before “I love it when a plan comes together” what did Hannibal think of the A-Team’s first, tentative, heroic efforts?
Geoff Spick, Bournemouth

Flux capacitors?
Andrew Culley, Grantham

Smell chequers?
Andy Parker, Groesfaen, Cymru

So Mr Blair, what do you think of the intelligence community?
Stephen Costigan, Merthyr Tydfil

My LBQ submissions never get published but…
Susan Nash, Bristol

What do the ACME Rocket Sled, ACME 10 miles of Railroad and ACME Giant Magnet have in common?
John C, Oldham

What have you heard about my co-workers?
Paul, Nottingham

Why do they call them diamond geezers?
John S, Maidstone

What are plans to catch the pigeon?

David, UK

Holiday reps?
Jayne Burton, Sevenoaks

So David, how are the penalties coming along?
Robin Hughes, Cheadle

What are home security lights - aka cat detectors?

David, UK

Ideas for cooling the Tube. Discuss.
O.G.Nash, Doha, Qatar

“Are the patrol car lights working, PC Jones?”
“Yes, no, yes, no, yes, no, yes, no,”
“And what do you think of them?”
Ben Moxon, Guildford

What are teenagers doing summer holiday jobs?
John Rogers, London

Why should you always show your working?
Edward Green, London

What are planes, trains, and automobiles?
Candace, New Jersey, US

What do you think of my new light bulb?
Patrick Rushton, Sheffield

All wrong. The correct question was how did Sir Trevor Macdonald describe his signature “and finally…” items.



MONDAY

Monday’s answer is “ONLY AS NOVELTIES”

Entries have now closed. Wrong questions included:

Alligators in bathtubs?
Candace, New Jersey, US

How to enjoy crackers?
Martin, Harlow

Can you name one argument for keeping the House of Lords?
Luke A, York

Why did God create kangaroos?
Kip, Norwich

I don’t live in Florida, so my meat hooks are?
Robin, Herts

Why do men have nipples?
Dave Williams, Prudhoe, UK

In what capacity did the Muffins, the Waves, the News, the Bunnymen, the Attractions and the Bad Seeds exist in relation to Martha, Catrina, Huey, Echo, Elvis and Nick?
Gerald Moynihan, London

Should the taxpayer subsidise the Royal Family?
Angie, UK

Shared belly-button jewellery? No, wait…
O. G. Nash, Doha, Qatar

(True Story) What reason does anyone have to buy/eat/produce “dried salmon jerky” from Vancouver?
Tim G, London, UK

Can men wear stockings?
Robin Hughes, Cheadle

I’ve come up with the idea of printing books on to fabric, and wearing them round my collar. Do you think these will sell?
Simon, Birmingham, UK

Manners, airs and graces in Big Brother camp?
Tim McMahon, Pennar, Wales

Can the weddings of Liza Minnelli only be seen as novel ties?
Norm Brown, Branxton

Manicures in prison?
Will, London, UK

Use of ASBOS on my estate?
Vicky, York, UK

But you voted for Labour, didn’t you?
Kieran Boyle, Oxford

Curiosity killed the tat ?
Jason S, Southampton, UK

When it comes to dating toyboys, what is the most important rule us girls need to remember? Treat them……..
Kiltie, Staffs, UK

To avoid disappointment, how should you view English sporting successes?
C Falconer, London

Use for honorary degrees?
David, UK

What is the purpose of the British Athletics Team going to Athens?
Sam J, London

Are my LBQ answers ever considered for publishing?
Andy Brown, Cambridge

How should unheralded Americans be allowed to win golf’s greatest prize?
Simon, Bolton

I’m a PG Tipster myself, so why do I stock my kitchen with African Redbush Peach, Classic India Spice and Flowery Oolong?
Helene Parry, South Wales expat to Twickenham

How do my children view the duster, the hoover and the lawnmower?
Smudge, MK

What use are Toy Boys?
John Redmond, Godalming

Would Harrods put genuine diamond necklaces in Christmas crackers?
Phil Welch, London

So, can we put gondolas in the Tube?
Kat, Derby, UK

Jellied heels?
Mark Starling, London

“That’s right, Brian, as we wait for Euro2004 to get under way, there’s no doubt that the Greek team has come to this competition….
Hedley Russell, Morecambe

With the success of the Twenty20, is it worth keeping playing the County Championship and National League?
Steve Sutton, St. Albans

How d’you like them apples?
Charles Frean, Bedford, Massachusetts

Why did I wear my high heels at Glastonbury?
Janet B, Nottingham

Getting a number-1 song at Christmas?
David, UK

How do drunk college students use meat hooks, considering us natives only use them for fish??
Maureen, Florida, US

Why does the MI5 REALLY want spies like us?
Ainy, Baltimore, US

What umbrellas are for in Phoenix, AZ?
Francis, Phoenix, AZ, US

Any reason to live in Swindon?
Kirsty F-C, Swindon

So many, so wrong. The correct question is by labelling their goods as what do shopkeepers in Texas get round that state’s obscenity laws forbidding the sale of marital aids.


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News - The Magazine Monitor

Posted on December 30, 2007
Filed Under Dating tips, Dating advices | Leave a Comment

If the lessons of the US are anything to go by, some pretty young people will be getting nasty letters. One 12-year-old American girl was the recipient of a similar action.


Your challenge, therefore, is to put yourself in the position of a young downloader and to construct a pre-teen-style response to a lawyer’s letter. The dog did it. That sort of thing. Excuse yourselves away, using the form below.

WHAT? That is so unfair cos it wasn’t me or anything and anyway it was only a joke and you carn’t prove nothing anyway.
Lisa, Southampton

Yeah but no’ but yeah, but no, but yeah. I never listened to ‘em. I never saw ‘em, it was me mam did it, she’s always listenin to the Darkness an stuff. She went out to get some fags a couple a months ago wiv ‘er latest old man and hasn’t come back yet. I dunno what she wants me to do with em.
Pauline, Not a garage at all, honest.

Dear mister lawyer

I am very sorey but i was making a project for school about music and so its my teachers fault here is his address could you please put him in prison? thanks
MQ, Strood, England

Yeah? And whatcha gonna do about it? You can’t touch me, I know my rights.
Chris King, Huntingdon

Yeah. Right. Whatever.
Vicky, East London

Derrr, I wouldn’t have downloaded Britney, she’s a girl eeuugh.
Alistair Moses, Tolworth

Yeah, but no, but yeah, like why are you blaming me, innit!! It was dat Sharon Michaels fault, cos like she showed Darren Watson her boob and she’s a minger. Anyway, I don’t even know, cos it wasn’t me…..
Erol Fehim, London, UK

I wasn’t me, It was my Dad.
Glenn J, UK

But I though the Manic Street Preachers was an online church. Honest
Glenn J, UK

We are’nt supposed to download free music? I was out sick that day.
Colm, Limerick, Ireland

Dear Mister Lawyer
My dad is one too. And he says its ok if I don’t make a prophet. I only did it twice anyway, to tell my frennds how u were. Shurely u want peeple to no u are cooooool. But my daddy lawyer says he can right a better letter back and your legal feeeeees will be hier than his, so he says you shoold not make a fuss.
Anyway, it was part of my meja studies A Level. I hope to get 4 As at A Level and be a journalist and I’ll allways give u goood revues. Love Down Loader
H TURNBULL, UK

I actually own all the CDs, but my mate Dave borrowed them, then his gran thought they were records and broke them by putting them on her gramaphone. I was going to pick them up off her, but I missed the bus and Dave put them all in the bin. I managed to recover three out of 1,398 CDs, but on the way back they got stolen by magpies. Sorry.
Jon, London

Yeah like woteva, my posse done it wen I won looking. U R so wrong No I neva. FInk I’m bothered - I hate you - Fascist! I don’t even use the computa. Mum must av dun it!
Simon Marshall, Magor

I was put under too much peer-to-peer pressure.
Jason S, Southampton, UK

What IS the big deal!? I mean, look, GET REAL!! Didn’t YOU ever borrow anything?? What’s the diff - I’m not hurting anyone, NOMESAIN? Geesh!! Get a LIFE - and, besides, the quality SUCKS, guys! love, Samantha
Charles Frean, Bedford, Massachusetts

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Going anywhere nice this year?, 7 October) is shown in the price guide. “1 day 1 seal costs 120. For those who want a longer break however:
Four days and two seals costs 650.”
Vicky
East London

I was going to quibble that Chernobyl is not the “scene of the world’s worst nuclear disaster”, until I realised that you’re probably counting Hiroshima, Nagasaki and all the nuclear test sites as successes.
Alexander Jones
Nottingham, UK

Monetary amounts in BBC News stories: is there any chance we could have some consistency with financial values quoted in the stories? Please either use Sterling (with euro then dollar values in parentheses) or euro (with Sterling then dollar amounts); I just can’t understand why a European news site has to quote dollar amounts first.
Chris Simmons, Bristol, UK

Re: Deer’s 25-mile bumper road trip, 7 October. I’ve heard of being carjacked, but this must be the first recorded muntjacking.
P Anghelides
Southampton, UK

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Enlarge Image

Winning captions in this week’s caption competition.

This week Tory leader Michael Howard met a Beatles tribute band at the party’s conference in Bournemouth, but declined an offer to be pictured holding one of their guitars


6. John, London
No thanks, I’m the leader of the Shadows.


5. Gareth Williams, Netherlands
That standards were higher than ever in this years Anne Widdicombe lookalike competition.


4. Stuart Cane, Wales
He had something of the Hard Day’s Night about him


3. Lorraine Jones
HELP!


2. Stuart Martin Scotland
Are you sure you can play Elgar?


1. Lucy, UK
So, you’re Busted, are you?

Last week’s caption comp

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Walking into the sunset, 6 October), but on reading that they sometimes reversed the polarity of the magnetic weather symbols, I now know the true extent of the insanity. Respect.
Jon, London

I’ve been puzzling over the quote “After all, it’s life only, but it’s never been written this way” (the Magazine’s Quote of the Day on Thursday), but I still can’t make any sense of what its supposed to mean. Is President Bush now writing for Rolling Stone magazine?
Martin H, St , France

I have regarded Teflon as dangerous to health (Teflon’s sticky situation, 7 October) ever since I became aware that our beloved Prime Minister appears to be coated in it!
John Mander, Coulsdon, UK

According to the article entitled School bans “nut allergy” conkers (7 October), the food advisor to the Anaphylaxis Campaign is named Hazel. Other employees? How about Al Mond, Coco, or Persephone (”Just call me ‘P’.̶ ;)
Kathy D, Toronto, Canada

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Only 81 shopping days to go…, 5 October) - sorry to sound “bah humbug”, but unless you are a kid, have kids, or a decent sized family, Christmas is boring. Umpteen repeats and dire Christmas specials, binging on food, nothing open and you don’t want to bother your friends. Maybe some people actually would like/need to work, or perhaps there could be community () events organised that bring people together, rather than try to force every peg into the round hole of stay home, eat and watch telly?
David, UK

On the meaning of life according to 82ask (The future of facts, 4 October), 42 is not in fact Douglas Adam’s version of the meaning of life but the answer to the ultimate question of life, the universe and everything. The meaning of life is a completely different thing altogether.
Tom, Edinburgh, UK

Another story of racism in NI ( Residents object to Chinese centre, 5 October) - seems like they pop up with disturbing regularity. Nimby doesn’t get you anywhere but isolated and alone. I hope the Chinese cultural centre finds a home (and good neighbours) very soon.
Pamela, Vancouver, Canada

Re Faces of the Week, 1 October: shame on you, being the organisation who broadcast the Fast Show. As everyone knows, the phrase was “Suit you, sir”, not, as on your webpage, “Suits …”
Derek Savory

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Tories say what rocks their world) and I was wondering how long it was before Natalie Imbruglia realised that she was actually dating the wrong “Dr Fox” when trying to further her music career.
Jon, UK

An open letter to Joanne Beale (re Monday’s Monitor Sunday, 3 October): it’s perfectly possible to witness something as an historic event.


Plenty of people watched the first moon-landing live and were aware that it was historic. To witness historical events, on the other hand, does require .


But yes, historic is frequently used hyperbolically and should in many cases be replaced by one of the words you suggest.
Ed Mann, Helsinki

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The
New Yorker has been finding out.


  • Further evidence that flying no longer means being cut off from life 30,00ft below, the New Zealand Herald reveals that are talking to Boeing about showing live television on board flights: Airline passengers to be able to watch live TV.


  • “What”, M’Lud asks, “is a blog?” The Oldie has a few words for distressed gentlefolk who may be wondering.


    But naturally the BBC is not responsible for the content of external websites.

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    10 things we didn’t know, 1 October)? Does this mean 30% have someone else’s?
    Jel
    Brussels

    I’m not surprised council workers in Aylesbury mistakenly put Christmas trees up too early (Christmas trees go up too early, 1 October). My local supermarket has artificial trees and crackers on the shelves now too.
    Tom Marshall, Cardiff, Wales

    An open letter to news broadcasters and publishers globally. It is impossible for something to be witnessed at the time as an historic event. It is however possible to witness something which will become an historic event. The question we have to ask is “Do journalists have a secret way of time travelling?” The answer I expect is No. So in order to save the world from pain due to overuse of this word I would like to present
    Other Words that can be used instead of Historic:

  • Significant
  • Momentous
  • Notable
  • Famous
  • Remarkable
  • Extraordinary
  • Celebrated

    Thank-you for your time

    Joanne Beale
    London

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    last week’s riddle, chosen at random from the correct entries was Cathy Priestley from Haddenham, Cambridgeshire. The answer was “ANSWERS”, though some people thought it was “love”, “time”, “soul”, “the moon” and “hydrogen”. (Explanation: A - leading every animal, N - at the break of night, S - search within yourself, W - found in questions who, what, why, when, where, E - end of life, R - when you start reading, S - extremes of standings.)

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    bbc.co.uk/magazine.

    Last week’s Magazine Monitor


    Read source on

    News - Easing the pain of a break-up

    Posted on December 29, 2007
    Filed Under Dating tips, Dating advices | Leave a Comment


    Read more on site

    Even the rich and famous have difficulty stopping the end of a relationship disintegrating into acrimony and recrimination.

    The home secretary’s bitter break-up with his lover has spilled onto the front pages in recent days, even calling his job into question.

    The aftermath of the breakdown of the Prince and Princess of Wales’s marriage is still making headlines, more than 10 years after they separated.

    A break-up is undoubtedly a bleak event for all involved, but is there a way of managing them so they don’t spiral out of control?

    Relationship counselling groups Relate and Couple Counselling Scotland think there are some strategies for lessening the damage.

    BREAKING THE NEWS

    If you have decided it’s time to leave, try to think about how to break the news.

    TIPS FOR TALKING THROUGH A BREAK-UP
    Choose a venue where you won’t be disturbed and which you both find relaxing

    Leave plenty of time - make sure you haven’t got to rush off

    Set a time limit; don’t talk on for hours and hours

    Don’t talk when you’re tired

    The process of talking something through may take days, weeks, or longer

    Source: Relate

    “In an ideal world you would be calm and sensible, you’d sit down and say you should leave, you’re not happy, it’s time to go,” says Relate counsellor Christine Northam.

    “But most people don’t do that, they leave a note, or have a huge row and storm out.”

    When you do talk, says Relate, you should be honest and . Don’t use vague euphemisms to soften the impact, as they can just be confusing.

    And try to tell your partner how you feel without blaming them or listing their inadequacies such as how boring, selfish or unattractive they are.

    “This can be tricky but it is a very useful way of owning your feelings,” says Relate.

    TAKING THE NEWS

    If you’ve just been dumped, do try to find out what went wrong.

    It may be excruciating, but unless you know what happened to your relationship, you won’t be able to change things in the future.

    “Use it as a learning experience, so you can understand what went wrong and build self-awareness,” says Christine Northam.

    “Then you are better equipped for future .”

    TALK, TALK AND TALK AGAIN

    So communication is clearly the key to managing a break-up.

    But if your ex simply stonewalls you and refuses to talk, you will have to communicate with other people.

    Call in the support of friends, family - or even the , says Relate’s Christine Northam.

    Las Vegas wedding chapel

    Not all relationships have happy endings - but there are strategies to cope

    “You’ve been rejected big time, you feel angry and alone, you need support.”

    You can go to relationship counselling by yourself - about a third of Couple Counselling Scotland’s (CCS) clients are there on their own, says chief executive Hilary Campbell.

    And a word of warning from Ms Campbell on the matter of talking - if you are still with your ex, leave the e-mails and texts for the practical stuff, and don’t be tempted to use them to talk about your feelings.

    “You can’t convey emotions with them, they’re black and white and they can be there forever. Whereas if you say something and it comes out wrong you can clarify it, and take it back - a bit. It’s much easier to talk about feelings face to face.”

    BLAME AND REVENGE

    If you’ve been dumped, it’s easy to flail around blaming everyone - your ex, yourself, the person you suspect them of having an affair with, and so on. But if you can, avoid this, says Relate.

    “It may seem tempting… but this will not help you work out why the affair has happened.”

    DREADING CHRISTMAS?
    Planning ahead is the key

    If you have children, work out with your ex what the Christmas arrangements are going to be - and tell the children as soon as you can

    If you are facing Christmas alone, think about what you are going to do

    You could help out in a homeless shelter, visit friends or family or even, if you have children and can bear it, hold a joint Christmas with your ex

    But arrange something. “Christmas is all about expectations… sitting alone staring forlornly at a Christmas tree without any presents under it is not a good idea,” says Hilary Campbell

    And instead of blaming yourself, work on boosting your self-esteem.

    If your self-confidence is shot to pieces, you can start to heal yourself with simple steps like pampering yourself with a gift, reminding yourself of good times and things you’ve been successful at, and setting yourself small goals to achieve.

    But what about revenge? Should you give in to your impulse to cut up your ex’s suits, post rude messages about them on websites, leak things about them to the newspapers or other such things? Is that cathartic and therapeutic, or otherwise?

    Relate’s Christine Northam thinks that depends on the degree to which you take it.

    “It’s healthy to be angry, it’s part of the loss process and it’s good to have a spit and a shout, if it’s done in a safe way,” she says.

    “But it can be really vicious and that’s not such a good thing.

    “Don’t slag him off to his mates, don’t get into a War of the Roses kind of thing. Blame them in a safe environment, but don’t burn your bridges.”

    CHOCOLATE AND ALCOHOL

    There’s nothing wrong with having a few drinks or scoffing half a pound of chocolate to make you feel better, says Christine Northam - but be aware, it may backfire.

    “Getting drunk might seem like a good idea at the time, but alcohol is a depressant and you may wake up the next morning feeling worse,” she says.

    “If you carry on doing it, if you’re coming home from work night after night and opening a bottle then something is wrong and it’s time to get help because you’re blocking out your feelings.

    “You can’t think straight when you’re drunk and you do need to think straight at times like these.”

    ‘GETTING BACK IN THE SADDLE’

    If you’re raw from a break-up you may be tempted to throw yourself into a string of one-night stands, or a whole new relationship, to make yourself feel better.



    Lots of people rush straight into another relationship without what went wrong with the first one


    Christine Northam
    Relate

    Is this a good idea?

    “No, definitely not,” says Christine Northam.

    “Lots of people rush straight into another relationship without understanding what went wrong with the first one.

    “A period of mourning is a good idea. Mourning takes lots of energy, and if you don’t do the work, if you put it off because you’re putting your energies into a new relationship, it can come back and bite you later.”

    Wait until dating feels “comfortable” again, she says - and don’t feel pressured by others to get into a couple because you’re more fun that way at dinner parties.

    THE PRACTICAL STUFF

    Practical matters like houses and money are huge issues when relationships break up - especially if you have been living together.

    “If you split up you will both be poorer,” says Hilary Campbell.



    If you split up [when you have been living together] you will both be poorer


    Hilary Campbell
    Couple Counselling Scotland

    If nothing else, the cost of running two mortgages, two cars, even two kettles, can mean there is a lot less money around for nice things like holidays and hobbies.

    It can also lead to huge rows when you try to work out who gets what, and one or both of you may feel you’ve been ripped off. And this is where mediation services can come in.

    Even if you don’t have children, mediators can help you sort out with property and finance in a way you’re both reasonably happy with.

    You are first seen separately to say what you’d like to happen, and then together, where the mediators help you explore ways of meeting, as far as possible, both your needs.

    WHAT ABOUT THE CHILDREN?

    Most parents find it extremely difficult to know how to approach their children about a break-up.

    But many organisations, including Relate, CCS and children’s charity NCH, have advice on how to lessen the pain.

    TELLING THE CHILDREN: THE GOLDEN RULES
    Tell them it is not their fault, and keep telling them

    Tell them what is happening, at a level they can understand

    Listen to your children and let them ask questions

    Don’t fight in front of them

    Don’t criticise each other to them

    Avoid using them as go-betweens

    Source: NCH

    “The first thing is to tell them you love them and that it’s not their fault. A lot of children assume it’s their fault,” says Hilary Campbell.

    Next, you should keep them informed of what is going on in language they can understand.

    “Tell them what’s going on, and let them ask questions, otherwise they’ll end up making their own stories,” she says.

    And don’t put off doing anything about your failing relationship because you don’t know how to tackle the children.

    “A lot of people find it so difficult they put off doing anything about it, but the most damaging thing of all for children is continued parental conflict,” she says.

    You will also need to agree with your ex who the children will live with, how often you will see them and so on.

    If things get difficult, you could head to a family mediation service, which helps parents come to agreements about matters such as residence and contact.

    Try not to make arrangements in the white heat of the break-up when you’re “still steaming” with anger, says Christine Northam.

    “If you’re so angry you won’t agree anything it’s going to end up costing you loads of money”, she says - because you’ll end up heading for a divorce lawyer.

    FRIENDS AND FAMILY

    Break-ups never seem to involve just the couple involved and their children. Many people say one of the saddest aspects of a break-up is the loss of mutual friends. But this doesn’t have to be the case.

    “Don’t feel you can’t be friends any more,” says Christine Northam.

    “You can - as long as you don’t slag your boyfriend off to them, that’s the way to destroy relationships.”

    You should try not to carry your break-up over into family relations by, for instance, refusing to let your children see your ex’s parents, warns Hilary Campbell.

    That’s unfair and, even in self-centred terms, unhelpful - because you may need them as back-up in looking after the children.

    “Quite often grandparents have an important role, they’re there and they’re consistent,” she says.

    SHOULD I GO TO COUNSELLING?

    Going to counselling doesn’t mean you’re a failure. In fact, it’s a very sensible thing to do if you’re struggling.

    “If someone’s upped and left, and you’re left behind, it’s a bit like a bereavement and counselling can help you work through the break-up,” says Hilary Campbell.

    And it doesn’t necessarily involve visiting a building somewhere - most services offer phone and even online counselling, so no-one need know you’ve gone.

    News - Over and out?

    Posted on December 28, 2007
    Filed Under Dating tips, Dating advices | Leave a Comment

    Original article ‘’

    “We were alienated from the rest of the world. All the high street shops overstocked with CB. There was going to be this huge demand. It didn’t happen,” notes Mr Crumpton.

    Nevertheless, he maintains CB is “still alive and well” - the torch being carried by lorry drivers, off-road 4×4 enthusiasts and caravan clubs. While handheld mobile phone use is now illegal in a car, CB is not.

    And there is at least one area where the CB dealers might see growth.

    Tiverton Age Concern is using CB radio to combat the feelings of loneliness and vulnerability felt by older people living alone, often in remote areas.

    After the charity was left a legacy by a CB enthusiast, it issued 20 pensioners with sets. For a generation where not all are comfortable with the internet, and with many finding mobile phones too expensive, the radios are a godsend.

    For an hour every morning, they chat on the radio. Some even have call signs and use slang like asking for an “eyeball”, a face-to-face meeting, says Mary Healey of Age Concern.

    “One chap said ‘I can listen to other people talking if I want join in I can but it means the world when you are on your own and have only got the cat for company’.”



    Add your comments on this story, using the form below.

    All those decades ago, my younger sister (”Angel Eyes̶ ;) met “Arthur Daley” on the CB radio.. she went on it from under the duvet in her bedroom at night, all night and unbeknown to our parents. Once the eight foot long aerial hit the ceiling lampshade and knocked out the electrics in the whole house! I, as older sister thought the whole CB thing was incredibly naff! This “Arthur Daley” lived two roads away in south London and it was love at first “eyeball”.. they got married some years later and now have two lovely little girls! So it wasn’t just for truckers!
    debbie, york

    I have been on and off CB since the late 80s and I can say it has been a lot of fun. There was a time when it was almost impossible to find a clear channel to talk on - not so these days! We had endless fun on Saturday evenings playing a game of hide-and-seek in our cars using just the signal strength as a finder. The person who found could then go and hide and the game would begin again. Some of the home-bound home-base locals would often listen in to our silly banter as it made them feel part of the community. One year, the local CBers were asked to chaperone the Biggleswade Carnival; we had no trouble relaying messages around the whole town. The local police gave up and used us for messaging as their radios had too many black-spots!

    The current consultation from the government has a use-it-or-lose-it approach and we are being encouraged to switch to the CEPT band used in Europe; ironically the very same frequencies used by the original American rigs, but still only FM. We are not too happy with that idea as some EU countries do not regulate their radio users quite as well.10-10 till we do it again…
    Gary “The Electron” Myers, Biggleswade, Bedfordshire, England

    Never forget, these idiots used these illegal toys in the complete knowledge that they interfered with emergency radio frequencies causing deaths, aircraft landing equipment, etc and these criminals thought destroying radio controlled models was a “sport” via intentional interuption of the signals, and were menaces on the road (like using a mobile).Criminal Band radio was an accurate term.
    Allan, Durham

    CBs at the time were the best thing since sliced bread in an age where mobile phones were just a dream (or a brick with a mortgage) and the internet hadn’t even been thought of. The ability to “talk” to multiple people in a chat room type environment was great and FREE! As for foul or abusive language, the community policed this themselves and just refused to give abusers airtime (or drove to their location and boosted transmission power to drown them out).
    Fox Hunts with cars (hide and seek) were a weekend occurence. One car hides and the others seek. A general clue given to get you going then track them down using the SwR meter (the closer you get the stronger the signal). Catch you on the flip side!
    Mick “MatchMaker”, Bishops Stortford, Herts, UK

    Breaker One Nine - You got your ears on good buddy? Anyone recall that East Kilbride near Glasgow was known as Polo Mint City? - because it has lots of roundabouts. And a Skateboard was CB slang for a regular car. So when asked: “Breaker One Nine - What’s your Twenty?” (ie Where are you?) - I’d answer: “I’m the red skateboard heading for Polo Mint City…”
    Ken Morton, Glasgow, UK

    Quite agree Crazy Cat, Not just long distance drivers used it, my father had a cb radio hidden in a briefcase in his car! The illegality of it added to the fun. The whole family had handles and we used it to keep in touch. It lost its frisson when it went legal!

    Mad Pony, Bristol

    In response to Ian Macbeth, Leeds, the toll bridge in Selby is now free…. so does this warrant the re-naming to “Freetown”..?!!
    Mark, “Paytown”, North Yorkshire

    I was born in 1981. My Dad was constantly on the CB. He was a newleywed, but paid more attention to the CB than his new family. He met another woman, started sleeping with her. It broke up my parents marriage and cost me my father. He set up home with the other woman and had a family with her. It’s much the same as the horror stories you hear about internet chatrooms nowadays! Technology changes, people don’t!
    Helen, Edinburgh

    As an Army instructor in the late 1980s it was fun trying to eradicate ‘CB-speak’ from trainee radio operators! But only last Friday I went to a friend’s house and discovered he uses a CB set to keep in touch with his elderly dad down the road!
    Megan, Cheshire UK

    Well its still being used in Leicester and Leicester Control is still there with “Red Rust” and the gang (Hi Rob).
    A lot of people i meet dont even know that CB still exists.It still has the music and swearing but its only like that on the calling channel.CB lives on though so get those radios from the loft and get back on the air
    Dave “Cubwolf” Smith, Leicester

    I had an imported AM ‘rig’ and a home made antennae. Everytime I transmitted I blanked out every television set in a quarter mile radius! I think that kit like mine was probably the reason it was illegal in the first place.
    Sean Clark, Loughborough

    1 - 9 for a copy! When at secondary school, as recent as 15 years ago, I persuaded my parents (both original ’80’s’ CB-ers) to utilise the aerial still up that tree in the garden to give me my own CB. At that time there were still several people at school with the same idea, using their parents equipment that had been lying unused for several years. I met my now husband on the CB, and before mobile phones or SAT NAV, never went any distance in the car without plugging in the CB. Essential if you got lost - always an obliging trucker to assist. Sometimes tempted to plug back in to see if the stalwart enthusiasts are still waiting for a copy!
    vicky, Moray, Scotland

    CB was a really big part of my teenage years. I met my now best friend on-air “Red October”. Does anybody remeber the “Fox Hunt”. We all had Minis (Mine was the best) and used to be up all through the night trying to find other cars. Those were the days hiding in the middle of roundabouts!
    Martyn “NightHawk”, London

    “DX-ers”, (long-distance CB enthusiasts), took the hobby as seriously as their licensed HAM counterparts. I spent many pleasant evenings chatting on side-band to America, Jamaica, Brazil, even Australia. OK, it was illegal, but the authorities didn’t seem to mind. The 30ft antenna towering over my house was fairly obvious!
    “Kamikaze”, Maputo Mozambique

    I’m surprised that so few truckers use it now. As someone who commutes down part of the accident-prone A14 ‘Highway from Hell’, I am amazed at lorries blithely passing the A428 exit and heading up towards a Huntingdon tailback, when a CB would have warned them to divert….
    Kit, Cambridge, UK

    When we lived in a fishing town in Scotland my two sons had CB and their not too intelligent readheaded friend had the handle ‘Red Herring’ and couldn’t understand why no one came back to him! A friend of mine’s handle was ‘Schoolboy’ so we could say Schoolboy do you copy?
    Alex Mitchell, Stockport, UK

    In the earlie 80’s I ran a small country hotel in East Yorkshire. I found it quite amusing that young “CB’rs” would spend a couple of hours in the bar chatting to each other, then go to the car park, sit in their cars next to each other and talk to one another on their CB’s. As they say in Yorkshire “Thre’s nowt so queer as folk”
    John Pheasant,

    I used to use the CB a lot. I spoke to guys with cool handles like ‘The Outlaw’, and ‘Spiderman’, it felt like I was part of something dangerous, a rebellion if you like. We were subverting the Government and played by nobodys rules, not even our own.

    Eventually I went along to a meeting and realised I was speaking with a group of 30-something, basement dwellers who drove 50CC scooters. I sold my rig soon after, the magic was gone.
    Greg, Wick, Scotland

    The best part of it was the names for places. My favourite was “Paytown” for Selby where there was a toll bridge.
    ian macbeth, leeds

    I was very actively involved with legal CB in Leicester, with the very well known “Leicester Control” on ch23. This group of enthusiasts were famous for giving accurate directions to truckers in our area. I also wrote a monthly column for a CB Radio magazine. What killed CB was the internet and the availablility of mobile phones and computer-based communications. It was fun whilst it lasted and many CBers went on to tke the RA exams. But I never forgot Roger “Red Rust”, Jeff “Murgatroyd”, Sid “Sunray” and many, many others. Yes the bucketmouths and music-players were a pain, but I made some very good friends.
    Rob “Captain Jack” Davis, formerly Leicester, now Telford

    It does bring back fond memories of hooning around Tamworth and surrounding villages on a pushbike with friends to arranged “eyeballs” with other “breakers”. Often it seemed that a lot of my peers while on CB radio were about 20+ years older than me but most treated my curiousity with respect and even more information.

    From CB radio and the contacts I made there I joined an organisation called Search & Rescue to assist members of the public, sporting events in the town etc - which eventually evolved to become a fully fledged British Red Cross Society members unit M16. So to Prinz Eugen, The Red Baron (and Snoopy), Viking and all the others of M16 - those really were fun days of my youth!
    John Somers, Chesham, Buckinghamshire

    I was a student in Leeds around 1981, trying to fly radio controlled gliders. My legal RC equipment used the correct alloted frequency of 27 Mhz or so. The illegal CB equipment used the same. This ‘CB interference’ was not appreciated by my RC glider. So, to gain some revenge back at my digs in Leeds I would wait in the evening until the local CB’ers came on the air by listening in with my ‘world bands’ capable radio / cassette and then turn on my radio contol transmitter and proceed to cause interference on their goings on. I know it worked because the incredulous voices would complain of the number ‘dB they were pulling’ dropping as I twiddled the control on my RC transmitter.
    Steve Crutchley, St Albans, UK

    Fond cb years remembered well, sitting in your car on the highest local hill trying to call out to others on hills across the country and if you were lucky recieving copies from abroad as well, great fun in its hey day but nothing like it was. Still got mine, gathering dust in some cupboard, you never know one day it might see some copies again. ‘Over and out’.
    Andrew “Meatloaf”, Solihull, West Midlands

    In 1981 I met my first boyfriend using my dads CB. Sitting in the car on the front drive I opened up a whole new world and a whole new group of friends, as a teenager who was bullied badly at school it was heaven to talk to people who didn’t have a clue who I was or what I looked like (or even where I was). Now my teenage daughter is on MSN night after night and we are endlessly warned about the dangers, in reality its no different to the CB, use it safely and its not a danger…

    I soon left home and the fun of my dad’s CB set, however I wont ever forget cold winter nights sitting in his car chatting away feeling like any teenager anywhere, as if the world were at my feet. 10-10 till we do it again, Hot-Lips signing out.
    Wanda “Hot Lips”, Welwyn Garden City

    “Illegal for no good reason” and “harmless”? Not really. The reason ‘legal’ CB was introduced, using FM (a different mode, on a very slightly different frequency), was that FM transmissions cause a lot less interference than AM (as in illegal CB). It’s as simple as that. Unfortunately, the illegal users didn’t grasp the problems that they could have been causing to legitimate, and probably a lot more important, users of the radio spectrum.
    Rob, Newcastle

    The UK legal sets have restricted power and operate on FM, which reduces the transmission range. Due to the way sunspot activity affects us the early CBers could often talk to people in the States. I know people who were into CB in the early days who subsequently passed the exams to become Radio Amateurs so they could get back to talking to people on the other side of the world.
    Darren Jones

    Brilliant! I was “on the rig” for about 10 years - I had a severe stammer and it was my way of talking with people I’d (probably) never meet. As it happened, I met a girlfriend on there, and we had a great time. It was full of friendly people and I made many friends. The only downside was dismantling the 30ft antenna in my garden when a thunderstorm approached!
    Edward Byard, Oxford

    I remember using CB’s in the early 90s and by then it was becoming a joke - the sets were available for peanuts so many people would buy them and then mess around ‘on-air’. It just became a noisy mess where you couldn’t hold a real conversation without someone butting in and making silly comments. It was a great idea but spoiled by the same people who now cause trouble on on-line chatrooms. Technology changes - people dont…
    Craig, Perth

    All I remember is girls coming on air and dropping heavy hints their parents were out and why don’t you pop round to say hi. The rest of the evening consisted of a bunch of teens champing at the bit in a Vauxhall Viva outside some house realising you’d been had yet again and there were no girls, not there anyway.
    Iain, UK

    It’s still going strong, especially with 4×4 owners. The license is a complete waste of money as it hasn’t gotten rid of the foul language or the music on channel 19, but it’s getting better. You’d be surprised how many people are still using it, and it’s superb on the motorway!
    David Jacobs, Hinckley

    As a young kid living in rural Kent in the early 80s there wasn’t much to do of an evening. My memory of CB was sitting on Channel 14 - reserved for meeting other users, endlessly calling “one-four for a copy” and hoping someone would start chatting to me. In those days, people didn’t worry so much about children talking to complete strangers over the airwaves like they do now about internet chat rooms!
    Tom “Lard”, Chelmsford

    When off roading with others, CBs the best free all day conference call you can get and theres no limit to the number of participants. You dont get that with mobiles.
    David Edwards, Chester

    It’s still a great way to communicate between vehicles travelling closely together such as groups of truckers, caravaners, any vehicle marque clubs and for off-road driving. No cost for calling, no issues with network coverage and one person can instantly communicate to everyone else in the group. I got into CB in the early days but it’s better now because the airwaves are less cluttered and your less likely to get some idiot interupting you!
    Chris, Nr Faversham, United Kingdon

    My local Mini club uses CBs to make sure we all keep in touch, how sad do we sound? We often travel a long distance to shows and rallies and it’s nice to make sure we are all headed in the right direction should we get split up in traffic. Believe me - this is an absolute god send when going through the middle of London.
    Philippa “Fluffy” Kruman, Cambridgeshire

    It was through the interest of repairing CB and as a spin off two-way radios that I arived in my profession of communication engineering. Today I have work across Africa. That’s a big 10-4 good buddy… 10-10 till we do it again… we gone…
    John “Septic Knuckles” Buckham, Lusaka, Zambia

    Please dont perpetuate the old myth that CB’s were responsible for interference on radios, TV’s, hifi’s etc - they were not in the majority of cases. The electronic equipment at the time had unsophisticated ‘front ends’ which poorly discriminated between radio and audio signals, hence it was the receivers fault.
    Yellow Horse, whitehaven, cumbria

    As a 14 year old boy there was only one real reason for CB - girls. CB opened up a whole new way of finding girls and we certainly made the most of it!
    Charles Codrington, Bedford

    My first introduction to CB was at a training session for new hunt saboteurs when a hand-held unit was passed around and experimented with. They were a godsend for co-ordinating large numbers of ’sabs’ at a single hunt and all the sab vans and Landrovers could be seen with the 5-foot aeriels. Of course the hunts soon worked this out and would buy their own units to jam us out. Everythings switched to mobile phones now.
    Roger, Derby

    I was a member of a CB club when I was about 12 - I didn’t think it was illegal as a) I only had 2 channels b) I could never get a signal or anyone to talk to and c) all the cool dudes had a car to put their radio in - I only had my Grifter although it was tooled up with American emergency sirens - nice.
    Kevin Wilkinson, Hornchurch

    Breaker One-Nine, what’s your 20? I Hammer’d Down on the A3 I eyeballed a Kojak with a Kodak so I pulled in behind a Suicide Jockey.
    Max Allen, Her’sham ‘69

    My father was a reader for the local ‘News for the Blind’ in the Deal area. Filled the gap between local newspapers and regional radio.
    simon mallett, UK Maidstone

    Breaker 1-4 for a copy? CB radio at its time was a fun thing to do. I personally met some great friends and the fun of ‘catching the skip’ and talking to CB users in other countries was just amazing. Things move on and so does technology - its in the process of being replaced by VOIP and wireless openzones, but I feel there is always a need for a general public frequency band - in what form though, who knows.
    Nigel Underwood, Bristol, UK

    I was a CB-er for a few years in the early 80s and enjoyed it enormously. My first rig was second hand and I used to have it in my bedroom with a ‘mag mount’ attached to the radiator! I then had a 50-50 pole out the window, but I used to take it in when the wind got up. I briefly went back on air in the early 90s to avoid the road jams, but it was not the same. Good days - ‘What’s yer 20?’ ‘I’m on yer back door good buddy.’ Looking back I must have sounded an idiot!
    Mike “Hunchback” Wilks, Ruardean, Glos

    Being a “radio ham” (and taken the Morse test) on air officially, we had our own share of idiots who transferred to CB to be “rebelious”. Mobiles and text are cheaper, and with Internet phones, will return to the few as before who experiment and who - ironically push forward communications as we now know it.
    Graham, Northampton

    Half the fun of CB was because it was illegal - and illegal for no good reason. It was a harmless and fun way to cock a snook at authority. 10-10 ’til we do it again, good buddies.
    Mark “Crazy Cat” Esdale, Bridge, Canterbury

    In my experience the only use that people made of their CB sets was talking about their CB sets to other owners!!
    I tried to get the idea going of a voluntary community info service. Where people with special knowledge on a subject would spend a few hours on air offering advice about local directions, medical advice, DIY help, cooking tips, fixing TVs or whatever. It might have taken off but the killjoys would have swamped it with endless music or noises and ended it pretty quick.
    Nigel Andrews, Worthing, United Kingdom

    I remember the CB craze. Only a few (richer)kids in our school ever got involved, as the cost was enormous. A large antena was needed and the cost of the equipment was a lot(in those days) for people counting out their pocket money. A few boffs would venture to Tandy’s and buy stuff but it was never as big a craze as people said it was with the young- more with 20+ age group- and they were working people who were just a bit sad and imagined they were trucking an 18 wheeler. Come in rubber duck! Very much like a Sinclair C5 - rare as chickens teeth
    Mark Smith, Southampton UK

    Talk about government control! People find a way of making the world smaller and benefitting all that use it and just because the government cannot tax or control it they make it illegal.
    Jack, Sidcup, UK

    I asked an American friend of mine what happened to CB? Apparently its alive and well and living in the USA.
    This article is the first I have heard about CB in the UK for years.
    Anthony, Cardiff

    Oddly enough yesterday I was driving down I65, Chicago to Indianopolis, and stopped off at a coffee shop - which had a large CB section - rigs, whips, mikes, etc. It seems CB never went away for the US trucker community!
    Peter, Loondon UK

    I used to take my C.B. set away to sea with me in the early 1980s. For a 4 watt set the reception and transmission at certain times of the day was out of this world once away from the UK. The best “copy” was with the Island of Guernsey and a guy sat in his “roller skate” on Brighton sea front while I was off the coast of Ghana, west Africa. a distance of some 4000 miles! The UK legal sets were only supposed to have a range of 12-15 miles.
    Chris “Wooden Horse”, Grimsby, England

    “It was seen as heavy-handedness from a country that up until recently demanded that many long-range amateur radio users take a Morse Code test.”. Until recently it wasn’t by the British, it was an intenational requirement that radio amateurs demonstrated their competence in morse code. That has now been removed. Britain was the first to change its licence, although many countries retain morse code as a requirement for short-wave transmissions by amateurs.
    Paul, Ayia Napa, Cyprus

    CB was intended to be a local community facility. The equipment was low powered and antennas inefficiently short. Unless you lived a a remote area of the country it was a disaster from the start. A basic setup could transmit and receive for many miles and in or near cities the nutcases took over and filled the airwaves with abuse rendering it useless for its original intention. It seems to have been left to lorry drivers and taxi firms now. Many dedicated CB-ers went on Amateur Radio courses and took up that hobby.

    However with all types of technology based hobbys of the 60’s 70’s 80’s they have succumbed to the computer and mobile communications. Many young amateurs and “proper” C.B’ers went on to be trained and employed in or Technology based careers.
    Mike, Hull

    It became increasingly annoying towards the mid/late eighties to have someone use it as a Radio Station! I remember one Sunday morning whilst trying to chat to a freind, all 40 channels where being used and over half where complete morons! blocking channels with music. one was sending out just bleeps and squeals…At least these days we are only subjected to those who seem to have a passion for it. You listen, you join in….you switch off! easy!
    Kathy, Cambridge

    We used CB (FM) in Zambia in the 80’s as communication tools for anti-poaching operations, for free communications and even the Neighbourhood Watch base and operations vehicles used them. Fun to use, but almost valueless in highly built up areas where they require line of sight (unless the weather was ‘with you’). Great fun for a few years, I even used them as late as 1998 at my own safari camp.
    Alister, Rugby, Warwickshire

    Terms & Conditions


    News - Let’s talk about sex in the city

    Posted on December 27, 2007
    Filed Under Dating tips, Dating advices | Leave a Comment



    The BBC’s editorial guidelines on sex are clear: “In all BBC output, the portrayal of sex, or the exploration of sexual issues, should be justified with appropriate sensitivity.”


    With this in mind, I venture rather timidly into Amora - a new 7m visitor attraction in London dedicated to love, sex and .


    The tone is set from the very beginning.


    As I walk down the steps and leave behind the hustle and bustle of Piccadilly, I am greeted by the and sensual voice of a woman enticingly whispering sweet nothings.


    Once downstairs, the pace and flow of street level has been completely replaced by something altogether different.


    The reception area offers a taste of what is to come. Visitors walk to the sound of calm soothing music, psychedelic images and red-coloured walls.


    Sex therapists


    Beyond here lay the seven zones, covering every aspect of sexual relationships from first flirtations and dating, to sexual health and wellbeing.


    Wall graphics, video clips, interactive touch screens, life-sized interactive exhibits as well as a dedicated sex therapist are all on hand to give the visitor an array of information, tips and ideas.


    Marketing director Lisa Seddon said: “There’s a layering effect to our approach here.


    “How much detail you go into is entirely up to you.”


    The Love & Desire zone introduces visitors to the powers of attraction and seduction.


    The British have been very reserved about sex but are now more open than they have ever been
    Dr Sarah Brewer,
    director of exhibits

    The Sensorium zone encourages people to explore all the erogenous zones with multi-media models wired to respond to every touch.


    It is here that I encounter a rather unique wall hanging which consists of the casts of dozens of genitalia offered by brave and willing volunteers.


    “The aim of this really is to show the diversity of size and shapes that human genitalia comes in,” said Ms Seddon.


    Sex toys in one particular display ranged in appearance from mantle piece ornaments to more industrial looking devices.


    Corporate


    But beyond the fun there is a serious message.


    Under 18s will be invited to the academy area of the exhibition in a bid to contribute some way to a better understanding of sex and sexual health among teenagers.


    Also, the academy will soon host workshops on sexual health and sexual relationships, led by in-house therapists.


    “There’s a great need for information about sex and love,” said Dr Sarah Brewer, director of exhibits.


    “The British have been very reserved about sex but are now more open than they have ever been.


    “We do it but are embarrassed about talking about it. Amora is about taking the embarrassment out and putting in the fun.”


    Read source of it on the page

    News - Moscow Diary: English Newspeak

    Posted on December 26, 2007
    Filed Under Dating tips, Dating advices | Leave a Comment

    Originaly from:
    A at a cafe in the Russian capital these days could easily include the words “manager”, “training” and “outsourcing”, to name just three. The chat could take place over a “business lunch”.

    If you couldn’t afford your share of the bill, you might look like a “loser”. It might be time to go to the bank for an “overdraft”.

    The Russian government has declared 2007 the year of the Russian language. That may be so - but the language as it’s spoken today isn’t 100 per cent, well, Russian.

    Michele Berdy is a translator who’s worked here since the 1970s. She has a weekly column in The Moscow Times - the capital’s main English-language newspaper. It gives tips to expats hoping to brush up their vocabulary, and charts the way the language is evolving.

    “It’s changed fairly dramatically,” she told me, “mostly because of the influence of English”.

    It’s changed dramatically because Russia has changed dramatically. In communist times, you didn’t need a word for “marketing” or “PR” because there wasn’t really any. Now it’s everywhere. So are the English words.

    Last year, Ms Berdy wrote about a linguistic experiment from the 1920s. Researchers went to a village in northern Russia and asked people the meaning of the new words which had entered the language in the years after the Bolshevik Revolution of 1917.

    The villagers suggested that a communist was someone who didn’t believe in God.

    Socialism was “life the new way - dunno, something like the law?”

    A “decree” was defined as “the government writing papers”.

    I decided to repeat the experiment. I went to Sergiev Posad, a town about two hours’ drive north of Moscow. You couldn’t really imagine a more timeless picture of Russia. Sergiev Posad is one of the centres of the Russian Orthodox Church. Its monastery attracts pilgrims and tourists from across Russia and beyond.

    There are blue and gold onion domes rising above walls. Then there’s a restaurant called “American Pie”.

    IMAGE-MAKERS AND OFFICE TEENAGERS

    The trouble with some of the new words is that they’re not even really English terms. We can guess what an “image-maker” might do, but we might call them a “spin-doctor” or “PR person”.

    Sergiev Posad

    Sergiev Posad is the Russian Orthodox heartland

    In Russia today, every would-be mover and shaker needs one, but do ordinary people actually know what it means?

    For my experiment, I tried out “image-maker”; “teenager”; and “overdraft” - all words you see and hear regularly in modern Moscow.

    Most people did seem to know what an “image-maker” was. One man said it meant “stylist” in Russian - clearly a concept which has come from outside the country.

    “Teenager” was easy, too. Most people I asked replied that it meant “adolescent”. Lyudmila stopped for a moment on her way into the monastery. She had a different view. “Teenager? I understand the word. It’s probably got something to do with an office,” she said, fairly confidently.

    To be fair to Lyudmila, I suspect she got confused with “manager”. Russia’s post-Soviet youth may be getting used to lives their parents never led, but offices probably don’t figure in the dreams of many of them.

    There was a worrying message for the future of Russia’s booming economy.

    Only one person of the dozen or so I spoke to knew what an “overdraft” was.

    A lot of Russians apparently remain happily isolated from one of the worst evils of capitalism.

    What does this all mean? Is it proof that the West won the Cold War? Is it just easier to borrow words for alien concepts from other languages?

    Maybe it’s a decision for managers to make over a lengthy business lunch.

    CIVILISED ANTHILLS

    “Moscow 2010: no one can work, nowhere to study, nothing to breathe,” was the recent front-page story in Izvestiya.

    Moscow has become a victim of the country’s massive economic growth. People are flocking to the city from all over the world’s largest country and beyond.

    Now the city authorities are worried about how they’re going to cope. They’ve already had a public information campaign asking people to save electricity.

    The challenges they face are common to many contemporary capitals.

    Izvestiya says the city’s choice is either to “follow the course of civilised European capitals” or far eastern cities, which it compares to “human anthills”.

    Russia has always tried to combine the best of east and west. Will the Moscow of the future be a civilised anthill?


    Send your comments in reaction to James Rodgers’ Moscow Diary using the form below.

    Your comments:

    The composition of Great Russian language had always been a subject for debates among educated portion of population, ever since Pushkin. Russian language is not as systematic as English, or any other European languages, it is a still changing and flexible system.
    Olga, New York, NY

    On a trip to Russia a few years back, I was surprised to hear a number of distinctly French everyday words (such as “etaazh” for the building floor/level and “magazin” for shop). On reflection, I shouldn’t have been surprised given that speaking French was de rigueur among 19th century continental elites. Maybe Russians were upset about it years ago; but I think they got over it.
    Kaushik, New York, US

    There are also many Dutch words absorbed in Russian, dating from the time of Czar Peter the Great, who studied Dutch ship building and sea faring practices intensively, and introduced a number of them in Russia.
    Bill, Bristol

    It’s very easy to paint people who don’t like the invasion of English as parochial, bumpkins, as if it’s only natural that they should start using English. To get an idea of what it feels like, we Brits should always think of those irritating American words adopted by teenagers (it’s nearly always the young). My favourite hate objects are ‘pants’ for trousers, business people talking about ‘growing’ profits, companies etc. (they are not crops!) and, oh yes, ending sentences with rising intonation as if everything were a question.
    Andrew, York, England

    I enjoyed reading your article. President Putin worries that the Russian language is in danger. I can see that he has some things to worry about and then again he doesn’t. It all depends upon area.
    Image-maker makes more sense than Spin Doctor or PR person. But what Russian needs to know what an overdraft is? I don’t and I’m Russian. There’s probably a Russian equivalent. Russia has only just begun to enjoy the blessings of democracy, but the language will stay intact if enough make sure that it does.
    Ms F, USA

    An article that reflects more bias and narrow views of Russia and other non-western countries. What about the French words in English Business? The use of Raison D’etre to emphasise the reason of existence of the strategic aim of an , or perhaps Laissez faire to reflect a lenient management style, and this can extend to many other words.
    The fact is that civilisations evolve over the years sharing their experiences and knowledge with each other.
    Jamil, Jordan

    I teach English to Russians. Many Russians already have a basic grounding in English from their schools and/or colleges/universities. But the acceptance and use of the English language as the universally used language by practically all countries globally has caused Russians to flock to these schools to upgrade their linguistic skills to improve their job prospects. My students are aged from 20 to 61 years old. Russian businesses are requiring more employees with English language skill sets.
    Bruce Grant, expat in Russia

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    The BBC may edit your comments and cannot guarantee that all emails will be published.

    Sport - Caption Competition 151

    Posted on December 24, 2007
    Filed Under Dating tips, Dating advices | Leave a Comment


    England’s Richard Johnson (centre) claims the wicket of Zimbabwe’s Heath Streak during the second Test at Chester-le-Street.

    New cap Johnson made a stunning entrance to top-level cricket by taking six wickets for 33 runs in the first innnings.

    The hosts then went on to record a comprehensive innings and 69 run victory over their African opponents to win the series 2-0.

    We asked you to send in your witty captions as Johnson’s team-mates, Robert Key and Michael Vaughan, join the celebrations.

    The winner of this week’s BBC Sport Interactive goody bag is… J.P. McGuire of Thailand who came up with this cracker:

    Silliness breaks out when everyone realises Johnson had put the false breasts on backwards.

    Good work J.P. - a BBC Sport Interactive goody bag is on the way.

    We’re now getting so many entries that we’ve decided to arranges them under different themes - hope you like it! Feel free to send us your feedback. And check out the best of the rest below.


    Totally topical taste

    BEST IN CATEGORY


    Yes! Justine has been evicted from Big Brother!


    Phil,
    Hereford

    Liverpool fan reacts to news that David Beckham is leaving Man Utd.
    Mitesh Shah, England

    Yes! Justine has been evicted from Big Brother!


    Phil,
    Hereford, England

    England enjoy every moment of what it feels like to dominate before their next encounter…the South Africans.
    Brandon, London

    Richard Johnson smiles as he knows they’ll never find the sausages he smuggled in between his buttocks.

    Gareth, Hertfordshire



    Bowled over

    BEST IN CATEGORY


    Hussain is furious as three of his fielders go for the same catch.


    Justin Goodrich,
    Edinburgh

    As Johnson lets yet another simple catch slip through his fingers, Vaughan is backing up to take the catch himself.
    Tim Taylor, Wimbledon

    Key: ‘Hurry and clear them up Rich, then we can go to lunch early.’
    Savio Moniz, London

    Vaughan: That was a jaffa Rich!

    Johnson: Ooh yay! Food! I like the orangey stuff in the middle!

    Ben Pearce, Bristol

    Hussain is furious as three of his fielders go for the same catch.


    Justin Goodrich,
    Edinburgh

    I told you I couldn’t bowl that fast without my arms getting stuck!
    Tom, London

    It was all his team-mates could do to prevent newcomer Richard Johnson from trying to bowl over and round the wicket at the same time.
    Jim Brant, Daventry, UK

    Proving unable to catch cricket balls, the England team trained with something a little larger.
    Lizzie F, London, UK



    Look-a-likes

    BEST IN CATEGORY


    Eric Cantona manages to barge his way past the bouncers into yet another caption competition.


    Jeremy Dallyn, Finland

    Is that R2D2 on the left?


    Mitesh Shah,
    England

    The other players show their admiration for Johnson after he won the Tom Hanks lookalike competition.

    Tom, England

    Following his success as a world class footballer, Zinedine Zidane’s cricket career looked like it was going to be just as rewarding.
    Luke Bennett, Nuneaton

    Robert and Michael prevent a well-disguised Karl Powers from entering the playing area.

    Bobby Ryder, Solihull

    Paolo Di Canio leaves West Ham to take up cricket.


    Bobby Ryder,
    Solihull

    With the world’s eyes on the test at Durham, Richard johnson thinks this is the perfect time to audition for the cheeky girls. Even his team-mates can’t keep their hands off, mistaking him for Gabriela.


    Andy,
    Merseyside

    Eric Cantona manages to barge his way past the bouncers into yet another caption competition.

    Jeremy Dallyn, Finland

    The England boys do their Charlie’s Angels impressions.

    Mike R, Durham Uni

    Rob Key’s attempts to stop Greg Rusedski’s pitch invasion seemed hopeless.


    Steve Shorthose,
    Scotter

    Key and Vaughan hold Johnson back from Kung-Fu kicking a member of the crowd.


    Gareth,
    Hertfordshire



    Sticky wicket

    BEST IN CATEGORY


    Avoid sweat, attract cricketers.


    Rob Payne,
    Wigan

    The bowling’s overarm - the deodorant’s underarm.


    Nick B,
    london

    “What do you mean, I haven’t washed my armpits for weeks?”
    Gareth, Hertfordshire


    Underarm magnets prove too powerful to resist for Vaughan and Key despite hideous odour.

    Mike Goudge, U.K.

    Johnson refuses to divulge the whereabouts of his anti-perspirant despite a vicious tickling assault by Key and Vaughan.

    Mike Goudge, U.K.

    Men’s sweat only attracts other men’s sweat. Sure.


    Paul,
    London, UK

    Johnson unveiled his new secret power, the deadly armpit vortex!
    TJ Winfield, Bristol

    Johnson: “no sweat”.


    Michelle Tulett,
    Selby, North Yorkshire

    Vaughan: ‘You were right about that deodorant Rich, it’s working like a charm even after six wickets!’


    TJ Winfield,
    Bristol

    Johnson spies a deodorant marketing manager in the crowd.

    Richard Pasco, UK

    It’s true! Male sweat does only attract other men.


    Colin Russell,
    UK

    The embarrassed Johnson is carried off the field when the England team realise he has confused his deodorant for a can of hairspray.
    Steve, London, UK

    Michael and Robert can’t help but wish that Richard’s deodorant was as effective as his bowling.
    James Sutherland, Nailsea, Somerset

    You can check if you want. But I tell you it was pretty easy work. Not even a white spot around my underarms!
    R Thanawalla, Scotland, UK

    Avoid sweat, attract cricketers.


    Rob Payne,
    Wigan


    Cap comp classics

    BEST IN CATEGORY


    Another accident with the superglue results in male bonding.


    I. Diot, England

    A cut-out Richard Johnson?! I always wanted one of them!

    Richard Pasco, Reading, Uk

    Michael Vaughan and Robert Key move Richard Johnson’s lifesize model into position
    Trevor, Preston, UK


    Another accident with the superglue results in male bonding.
    I. Diot, England

    He won’t be celebrating when he sees what we’ve put on his back.
    Mark Endicott, Bristol

    Richard Johnson does the hi-10 with the invisible man.
    Ben Dunbar, England

    Johnson prepares to be “Tango’d”


    James Atkinson,
    Sheffield, UK


    Toy boy

    BEST IN CATEGORY


    Johnson’s accurate bowling had made Vaughan suspect he was a robot. To his amazement, the sign on his back read “Insert Key here!”


    Ollie B, Southampton

    Key: “Now, if I press him here he bends over and touches his toes.”


    Ben Dunbar,
    Manchester, U.K.

    Key and Vaughan together, “I told you to bring the batteries”.
    Garry Waddell, UK

    Every time you pull that loose thread his arms shoot up!
    Rob Falconer, Wales

    I told you we should have used Duracell….


    John Lewis,
    Finland

    New bionic bowler overheats and is held up for repair.
    Pete, Manchester,
    UK

    Johnson’s accurate bowling had made Vaughan suspect he was a robot. To his amazement, the sign on his back read “Insert Key here!”

    Ollie B, Southampton UK

    Key: “And this switch in his head makes his eyes move from side to side!”

    Brendan O’Donnell, Lytham St.Annes, England

    Every time you press his tummy, there’s this funny squeaking noise!
    Rob Falconer, Wales

    If you press the green button on your remote control, Johnson’s left arm will hit Vaughan on the head…
    Ryan Spencer, Hertfordshire

    You hold him steady while I wind him up.


    Barry Payne,
    Cleethorpes


    Ken Dodd-tastic

    BEST IN CATEGORY


    Perilous days for planet earth, as the gods decide to give Atlas a good tickling.


    Si Griffin, UK

    The hiring of new England cricket coach, Mr Tickle, is already showing positive results.
    Michael, Perth, Australia


    To give Zimbabwe a chance, the English fielders resorted to tickling each other when going up for a catch.
    Si Griffin, UK

    “I declare a tickle fight!”


    Brian Lang,
    Chicago, USA

    Round and round the garden,
    Like a teddy bear.
    One step, two step…..


    Frances Gregory,
    Poland

    Perilous days for planet earth, as the gods decide to give Atlas a good tickling.

    Si Griffin, UK

    Stop it, that tickles.


    James Sutherland,
    Nailsea, Somerset

    “Come on, let’s do it again - round and round the garden…..
    Kevin Darley, Selby, England

    Vaughan furiously grabs the tickle-stick away from Robert Key.
    Tim Taylor, Wimbledon

    Stop you guys! That really tickles.


    Rutang T,
    Scotland, UK


    Dance the night away

    BEST IN CATEGORY

    Richard couldn’t resist his Bhangra urges.


    Martin Mills, Morpeth

    Calls for more women in cricket were gaining pace as Key and Vaughan clashed over the last dance.

    Ibi, London

    Key and Vaughan struggle to contain Johnson when he hears S Club 7’s reach for the stars on the public address system
    Mike Cummins, Prescot, UK

    Come on lads, join in…..Do the Locomotion…..


    Bobby Ryder,
    Solihull

    “Fat Les” reform for test series against Zimbabwe.
    James Atkinson, Sheffield, UK

    Only the Y-M-C were missing from the routine.


    Andy Tulloch,
    Hemel Hempstead

    Chaos erupts as two England fielders attempt to join the conga at the same point.

    Si Griffin, UK

    Johnson’s moment of glory was tarnished by his failed attempt to start a Mexican wave


    Kevin Jones,
    Coventry

    Ok, hands up who brought “Agadoo” and played it in the changing room? Right, get him!
    Steve Godrich, UK

    “Hey Macarena”.


    Ben Westoby,
    Grantham

    I just can’t get the hang of this ballet!


    Richard Chapman,
    High Wycombe

    Britain’s newest pop sensation, ‘The Cricketers’ with their cover of YMCA.

    Harry, Perth, Australia

    Bob and Mike decided to entertain the crowd on the fourth day by doing the Heimlich manoeuvre to music.

    Garry Waddell, UK

    Johnson: ‘Join the ballet lads.’


    Hemia Jayasuriya,
    Woking

    Flushed by his Test debut success, Johnson decides to have a crack at flamenco dancing.

    John Lewis, Finland

    Richard couldn’t resist his Bhangra urges.


    Martin Mills,
    Morpeth

    Sorry Richard, but Nasser says you can’t join in the Mexican wave.
    Mark Mullaly, Birmingham, UK

    “Hands up, baby hands up, give me your heart gimme gimme, your heart gimme gimme”.

    James Vincent, Doncaster

    More YMCA than LBW!


    Steve Boyde,
    Barrow

    Johnson “It’s fun to play at the Cheeeeeesta-le-Street”.

    Michelle Tulett, Selby, North Yorkshire

    The Mexican wave got off to a bad start


    Graham McD,
    Livingston

    The filming of the new Bacardi Breezer advert seemed to be going well.


    Natalie Boardman,

    Everybody in the house say ‘Yeah!’


    Natalie Boardman,

    England’s ‘S Club 7′ tribute dance was so complicated, only Johnson got the hang of it.
    Martin Mills, Morpeth

    Hands up, baby hands up! Give me your heart, gimme gimme your heart, gimme gimme all your love!
    Roger, Teesside



    Regulars’ banter

    BEST IN CATEGORY


    Yeah, playing Test cricket is a bit like the Cap Comp. A flurry of published articles on the first day, nothing in the middle part, and a flurry of articles again in the last few hours on the last day.


    Mitesh Shah, England

    Si Griffin is warmly welcomed back to the Caption Comp fold after a short toilet break.
    Mike Goudge, UK

    Zimbabwe’s batsmen were bemused by the new Caption Competition arrangement, and Johnson took full advantage.
    Martin Mills, Morpeth

    Si Griffin is held hostage by fellow captioners, but still manages to submit a few entries via semaphore.

    Si Griffin, UK

    Johnson goes into a “we are not worthy” routine due to BBC Caption Competition judges’ excellent categorisation idea.
    Mike Goudge, U.K.

    YAY! Stephen Tucker has finally won the BBC Cap Comp!
    Stephen Tucker, USA

    Yeah, playing Test cricket is a bit like the Cap Comp. A flurry of published articles on the first day, nothing in the middle part, and a flurry of articles again in the last few hours on the last day.
    Mitesh Shah, England

    Another sportsman proves his lack of stigmata.


    Some guy from Morpeth,
    Morpeth

    Si Griffin, Caption Competition Grand Master, shown here displaying how many captions he enters per hour, is mobbed by adoring BBC Cap Comp judges.


    Mike Goudge,
    U.K.

    The boys are ecstatic at ousting Henman from the Cap Comp picture.
    C. Hunter, England

    The lads are jubilant at the news that Sarah L has okayed the photo.
    C. Hunter, England

    The longsighted palm reader clearly has better news for Johnson than he did for Henman.

    Si Griffin, UK

    Yay! No stupid “kick me quick” captions!


    Richard Pasco,
    Uk

    With Si Griffin M.I.A it’s open season for the coverted prize of most captions entered.
    Mike Goudge, U.K.

    Johnson realises he’s won the BBC Sport Interactive goody bag.
    Gareth, Hertfordshire

    The England players celebrate Rob Falconer and Clare Daniele’s record partnership for the number of entries in the caption competition
    Alan ball, NZ

    OK, hands up John Lewis, we know you’ve got your unabridged Alan Coren caption writing dictionary in there somewhere!

    Jeremy Dallyn, Finland

    Johnson, like Henman in the previous Caption Competition, proves once and for all the he does not have hairy palms.

    Mike Goudge, U.K.

    Key: “That’s it Richard, stay there and Rob Falconer is sure to think of another witty caption for this, perhaps if I just touch your breast… ouch!”
    TJ Winfield, Bristol

    Cap Comp judges celebrate their reduced work load, as Si Griffin appears to be on holiday…

    John Lewis, Finland



    Say what you see

    BEST IN CATEGORY


    Silliness breaks out when everyone realises Johnson had put the false breasts on backwards.


    J.P. McGuire,
    Thailand

    I’m telling you, I’ll buy the drinks, but you won’t find my wallet!
    Mike Gant, Leeds

    The world watches in astonishment as cricket’s first Siamese twins take to the field.

    Andy Tulloch, Hemel Hempstead

    Hands on faith healers work miracle for man with two broken arms.
    Mike Goudge, U.K.

    Richard Johnson celebrates after being told he will not go on England’s next Winter tour.

    Kevin Tracey, Scotland

    His secret identity compromised, Superman was kept from flying away by the “Mad Hatters”.

    Neal Berridge, UK

    Johnson had clearly enjoyed himself on the Chester-le-Street Death slide.
    Martin Mills, Morpeth

    “Turn round Richard mate - Mecca’s in that direction.”
    simon, hitchin

    After a few beers, Johnson would often try and gate-crash other people’s celebrations.
    James Wiffen, Chelmsford, Essex

    OK Robert, you grab his undies and we’ll give him a wedgie!!”
    Jeff Gill, UK

    Silliness breaks out when everyone realises Johnson had put the false breasts on backwards.


    J.P. McGuire,
    Thailand

    Johnson’s celebration at entering the Guinness Book of Records for longest time with a ferret in your whites continued during Key and Vaughan’s frantic effort to remove the dizzy creature.


    Michael Bate,
    Mullingar, Ireland

    Field maintenance team at Chester-le-street are surprised what popped up after the use of Miracle Grow.

    Mike Goudge, UK

    After 24 hrs on the rack Richard ‘Shorty’ Johnson is stretched to bowler size.

    Mike Goudge, UK

    Suddenly Richard spotted Alice Cooper in the crowd and launched into his “We’re not worthy” routine.
    Mark Mullaly, Birmingham, UK

    “Sorry son, arms up, you’re under arrest. You’re going back to OZ, no-one is THAT good in England.”

    Rick Baker, Grimsby, UK

    After bowling naked for seven overs Johnson is finally forced to get dressed by Key and Vaughan.

    Mike Goudge, U.K.

    Birthday boy gets nasty shock when male stripper jumps out of cake.
    Mitesh Shah, England

    After being bet that he could not carry two of his team members across the out field, Richard Johnson finally puts Key and Vaughan down.


    Mike Goudge,
    U.K.

    “And stretch - 4